It started on Thursday and now we have survived our first few days of "The Great Minnesota Get Together." I attempt to warn my new residence about the State Fair, but they are never prepared for what I warn them about. Welcome to living in Minnesota where we have a rodent, the gopher, telling you to join the crowds and I mean crowds to eat anything you can put on a stick.
I first tell them parking will be a bear, so go to one of the malls and take the bus. They don't believe me and pay high prices to park and then walk and walk to the fair grounds. I tell them to wear comfortable shoes and take the child in a wagon. It will be a long day and the child can sleep as you pull them around. They forget the wagon and dad's shoulders get the work-out of his life as he totes the child around on his shoulders. I talk about bringing money and then more money. In their minds $50 should take care of a family of four. They don;t realize every 15 feet there is something new to eat. The standard foot long hot dog, bag of Tom Thumb donuts, the pronto pup, the tub of Sweet Martha Cookies, a tub of French fries, a snow cone, and the all you can drink milk at the dairy barn are just starters. You then have to go to the church dining halls to get a real meal. I tell them they will just be working off the calories of the State Fair when the holiday foods hit them.
They are told they will see things like you can't see anywhere else. They will see beauty queens sit in a freezer and have their likeness carved in a large block of butter. They will see the insides of a cow as the straw passes from one stomach to the other, A pumpkin grown the size of a smart car will be on display. They will see people sleeping in the stalls with their show horses. Sheep will be wearing coats. If we wear their wool in our coats ,then why do they need to wear coats in August? These are the features of the fair and not the side shows!
Don;t be surprised if you turn on the news and see it broadcasted from the fair I tell them. They say, "This is a major market and you are telling me they will take NBC to a cow and pony show." I tell them,"Hey buddy,hands off. This is the Minnesota State Fair and one time out of the year for 11 days it is all we can talk about. It is sacred. Even if you don't go 3 times to the fair, lie and said you did. It will make you a real Minnesotan."
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